How is my new year starting out? Is it all good?

Glad you asked.

Look, if it’s not too much to ask, try literacy. It’s crucial to this world. It’s what separates us from the animals.

There’s a difference between Monterey and Monterrey. You wouldn’t want to show your kids a movie about Pus In Boots, when they were expecting Puss In Boots.

You can probably tell by the picture above what has my ass chafed. 

For the zillionth time, someone has inexplicably addressed me as Paul Ortega instead of Paul Ogata.

There’s really no reason for that other than (1) illiteracy, (2) incompetence, (3) indifference or a combination of all three. Or also spite.

Long ago, a fellow comedian introduced me as “Paul Ortega.” When I corrected him after the show, he was like, “It’s not a big deal.” The next time I had the opportunity to bring him up, I introduced him as “Juan Ortega.” He lost his mind, screaming and shouting. Ah, it’s a big deal now that the zapato is on the other foot! (RIP Juan.)

Read the name. The letters are right there, in order, as a clue to how you should say the name or even write it. Don’t freestyle it, mixing up the letters and adding an R that doesn’t exist.

Even if one were dyslexic, that wouldn’t explain Ortega. Sure, I’ve gotten Otaga before. And that can be attributed to dyslexia.

But certainly not any of the following versions of my name that people have actually butchered:

• Paul Orgata
• Paul Ottawa
• Ball Ogata
• Paul Ogato
• Paul Arigato

And one time, I even got Paul Obama. Seriously? In truth, it turns out both Paul Ogata and Paul Obama are actual people in Kenya, a fact I was able to learn through the magic of Facebook.

Tina Yothers once said, “As long as they pronounce your name or spell your name right, it’s all good.”

So, no, my new year is not starting out all good.