You work your whole life trying to perfect what you do, overcoming hurdles and obstacles, wending your way through the intrinsically byzantine labyrinth of the industry surrounding your passion. Then one day, the gate keepers who purport to uphold the standards and quality to which you aspire – to which you have been aspiring your entire life – lower their escutcheons. They let through someone who has never spent a minute doing what you have bled, sweat and cried tens of millions of minutes doing. They create a mockery of all you hold dear.
Yes, I’m talking about Madonna attempting to do stand-up comedy on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
Had it been on any other show, it would still represent a brutal beatdown of your dreams and hopes. But The Tonight Show? For ages, The Tonight Show was the holy grail for stand-ups. It launched careers and made stars. Today, even with the plethora of other television opportunities on myriad networks drastically reducing the impact a single appearance on Tonight once had, it remains a grand feather in the cap of those who appear on it. This was nothing short of a betrayal.
After chatting with host Jimmy Fallon about wanting to try comedy, Madonna was then given the opportunity to indulge her whims. Fallon even had a microphone with a stand set up in the middle of his stage, as he would when a legitimate comedian performs, and introduced Madonna, who was then waiting behind the curtain.
What happened next, as the internet likes to say, will blow your mind. The Material Girl came out and hemmed and hawed her way through what seemed like an eternity before attempting a punchline. She stumbled her way through a dick joke then cussed. She drew tepid giggles, but more of the variety you’ll hear when grandma twerks at Thanksgiving dinner and does a Señor Wences impression with her lady parts.
Clearly, this had been set up in advance: the staged lead-in conversation and the mic at the ready. So why not take the time to prep her better? Why not hire writers? Why not NOT do it?
By her own admission in her song, American Life, Madonna has a lawyer, a manager, an agent, a chef, three nannies, an assistant, a driver, a jet, a trainer, a bodyguard (or five), a gardener and a stylist. Do you think she’s satisfied? No.
And so she did what she wanted to do. And the machine bent over backwards for her, even if it meant desecrating and disrespecting the art on which the foundation for late night television was laid. And the public’s perception of stand-up was damaged even further. And when people asked me when I’m going to get a real job, despite my making a living at it, they were right all along.
Much like Madonna in American Life, I just realized nothing is what it seems.
When a billionaire 57-year-old singer, dressed as if Twiki from Buck Rogers had taken to walking the streets for money, can trot out to center stage on the greatest showcase for stand-up there is and, having no prior experience, proceed to painfully butcher three minutes of valuable television time, there is no true appreciation for what I do.
One day, Don McLean will write a sequel to American Pie about the day that comedy died. This is that day.
I’ve been a fool on a Quixotic quest, spending my life tilting at the windmill of stand-up. It is time to retire to the countryside and become a shepherd.
She’s pretty funny…funny looking! Did she know Warhol? I know she blew Basquiat.
Don’t worry, she bombed on tape. She won’t be doing the circuit, she had her chance.
Please reconsider retirement and buy some fishnet shorts and stockings. Stilettos too. Perhaps she too should experience the mockery and degradation of her art. And you might like the stockings…
The No Material Girl was hilarious only because she wasn’t funny.
When I read this I almost sent it to the trash like so many others, but it really pissed me off so I chose to respond.
First an foremost Madonna has more than paid her dues in the industry of entertainment. She posed nude like so many young woman just to get a few bucks and try to get others to even give her the time of day in a male dominated world. She worked the clubs, from the sleaziest joints to the big arenas and let the world rejoice and flip her the finger at her lifestyle along the way. She got married, divorced, and raised kids under the scrutiny of the world and still keeps making money selling out stadiums worldwide. If she wants to do a stand up bit just to make a mockery of it she has earned that right. She owes no special reverence to an industry that has offered her none.
Second, the tonight show has prided itself in letting stars do exactly what she did on stage. From Dean Martin to Mark Cuban, its always been a free stage to anyone who has paid their dues. Saying the have kept the stage sacred until now is just baseless and lacking in forethought.
I have been a stand up comic for ten years, im not famous and never plan to be, I do make a good living at it but more importantly it gives me a release in my life that nothing else does. I travel the country going from stage to stage and having seen the hard working men and women eat, drink, and sleep comedy, I know they and I would support anyone that gets up their and gives it a go. Good or bad does not matter, its the having the virasity to get up there and throw it down.
I’m mad because you make speak as if comedians work towards a freaking stage in Burbank to achieve their goals or worth and somebody pissed on our holy place, the truth is comedy is only part of the entertainment world and the tonight show is more than a comedic stage. It is and has always been a live real time look into the antics and humors of the entertainment industry and the American viewer.
Stop putting people down for daring to just be stupid ever once in a while, sometimes its nice tto know the president takes a crap just like everyone else.
Brian McCoy – Comedian
Hi Brian,
Chris Crocker much?
I don’t know how you were planning to send my blog post to the trash, considering it’s on my website. But congratulations on your side job with the NSA, I guess.
There is so much wrong with the screed you deposited above. Let’s try to cover it all.
No one is doubting Madonna’s dominance in her field, as her tours have generated over a billion dollars in revenue and she has sold over 300 million records. Her concerts, as you probably know, involve singing and dancing. And also theft (allegedly), as you may or may not know. Here, I’ll point you in the right direction in case your NSA analysts are busy: http://www.aishamusic.com/lawsuit_many_artists_madonna_stole_from.htm
Oh well, I’m sure Madonna has “earned the right” to mock other art forms from which she has not yet allegedly pilfered. After all, she has “paid her dues,” as you point out, having posed for nude photos. How that equates to success in your estimation escapes me. But if it is indeed true that posing nude leads to superstardom, please tell the fine folks over at 4chan and Reddit where they may find the Taylor Swift nekked pics. They seem like they’d be interested in such photography.
I will agree with you that Madonna owes no special reverence to stand-up comedy. Hell, I would suspect body snatchers at work if she suddenly started showing reverence to anything at all. Do you know who should show reverence to stand-up comedy? The Tonight Show. That’s who. It seems you put no forethought into your own baseless accusations that Tonight is not a hallowed place for comedy. Bro, do you even history? There have been six hosts of the show, all of them were comedians and three of them were stand-ups. Comedy is in the show’s DNA. For 30 years, Johnny Carson played kingmaker and gave huge showbiz careers to acts such as Jerry Seinfeld, David Letterman, Joan Rivers and so many more. When John Henton killed it on his first Tonight Show, Johnny called him to the desk after the set (coronation!) and asked if Henton had an agent. Henton replied that he didn’t, and Johnny remarked, “Well you will after tonight.” Very soon after that, Henton spent a decade co-starring in sitcoms. For you to say that comedians don’t want that is naïve at best and deceptive at worst. So, yes, it is our holy place. And turning it into an open mic for Madonna is where I have the problem. (Also, The Tonight Show tapes in New York City, not Burbank.)
Has Tonight played fast and loose with conventions in the past? If it has, it’s always been in the context of, say, a singer telling a funny story while on the couch. It’s not really the free-for-all, anything-goes frat party, for people who “paid their dues” as you seem to think it is. Ask Bobcat Goldthwait, he paid his dues (although I cannot confirm any nude photos of him) but was banned from Tonight after lighting his chair on fire during the show. Where’s that free stage for all the dues payers? (Side note: You seem to have an obsession with people having to pay their dues. Are you some kind of left-wing union enforcer?)
Madonna can certainly give comedy a try if she wants to. She can “dare to be stupid.” I do support anyone who wants to give it a try. But there’s a time and place for that. I sing like an elephant has swallowed a vuvuzela, and I may one day try to become a professional singer but you can bet your bottom dollar that Madonna won’t give up 3 minutes in one of her concerts to let me try. And I’m fully paid up on my SAGAFTRA dues.
Finally, the surest sign anyone has nothing to say is to criticize another person’s spelling on the internet. Therefore, as chock full of errors as your comment is, I will leave all that aside. However you not only misspelled a word, but you misspelled the wrong word. You said that it’s all about “having the virasity to get up there and throw it down.” I assume you meant to use the word “veracity.” But that word means accuracy. Madonna’s inaccuracy at finding an appropriate place to try open mic is what my whole point was all about. And how NBC facilitated it. Basically you just agreed with me. So, thank you for that.
Paul
P.S.
The President does not take a crap like everyone else. He is rumored to be a lizard alien, so he most certainly craps differently. Probably through osmosis. How did you not know that over there at the NSA?
As a comedian for 40+ years, I am glad she got up and did it. And she thought it’d be easy. Overall, she did ok. Now that she’s doing comedy, she sorta looks hot.
Aw come on. For her first time? Not bad. Couple clunkers, but asking her son to set her up with his friends? Kind of funny. …Still, I would like to hear that Don Mclean song.
Bland ambition tour
I haven’t watched the video yet (currently at a show), but if she did so poorly, then I’d say that this had the opposite of effect of what you said. Her poor performance didn’t negate what we do. It validated it. If she had emoloyed writers and gotten up with a well-written, polished set that it takes so many comedians years to hone, THAT would have discredited what we do. Seeing a natural performer flounder only serves to show exactly how difficult it is.
I thought she was wonderful. She made me laugh a great deal, making fun of herself. The woman really doesn’t take herself too seriously. Something we can all benefit from emulating. Bravo!
I agree with the comic who posted this. It degrades comedy and makes it a mockery when non comics get such a huge platform to perform when not prepared. She didn’t earn the right to do standup on the Tonight Show. Did she do open mikes, did she stay in shitty condo’s, did she deal with horrible clubs and club owners, and many other obstacles that make a great comic a great comic?
Just because a person pays their dues in another art doesn’t give them permission to take a stab on Primetime TV at an art that they have no experience in what so ever.
It’s just as bad as Ellen having that horrible flight attendant who thinks she’s funny on her show.
Comedy which is the hardest form of entertainment is the least respected. To the comic that says she earned the right you have no clue. Would you let a Brain Surgeon do a Kidney operation on you?
So many clubs have lost respect for funny it’s about numbers, if Amanda Bynes had a comedy agent she’d be booked around the country starting next week.
The great Vos has spoken. PS I take no responsibility for bad grammar or wrong punctuation.
Actually, I think Madonna doing standup, or the lack thereof, was a good thing for standup comedy. That will pretty much kill any notions of wanting to try standup from all other celebrities who aren’t standup comedians. It would hve been perfect for Fallon to then introduce Paul Ogata.
she likes them young. 8 years old? child abuse? child porn? not funny.
It just shows that when you get to a certain level you can do anything. Does anyone think that if Jerry Seinfeld wanted to go on the tonight show and sing that Jimmy Fallon would say “no”. It’s a ratings boom for them. It’s like being next in line to go up and Chris Rock comes in and bumps you and and does an hour. Once you get to that star level you can do what you want. It’s sad but that’s the world we live in.