New Words For 2015

New Words For 2015 post image

The Oxford English Dictionary (fondly referred to as OED by itself, clearly trying to get some kind of rap street-cred going) has just added a bunch of new words to its pages. In doing so, it has given legitimacy to otherwise nonsensical words such as whiteywood, havey-cavey and largity.

We should be conversing in Orwellian Newspeak in no time.

So I took it upon myself to come up with some additions to the lexicon of humanity which we will, in all unfortunate likelihood, be using next year. These are THE NEW WORDS FOR 2015.

• b, n. (pronounced “buh”) the inexorable reduction of the word “baby” to “babe” and then to “bae” has led to this. You brought this on yourselves, people of Earth.

• bert, v. – used to signify that someone gave you a wrong or undesirable response. Pronounced like the buzzer on a game show.
Man: “I only make $16,000 a year.”
Woman: “Bert! Sorry, that number is too low. Thanks for playing.”

• credzone, n. – the annoying part of the movie (detailing the names of the hard-working individuals who made your geekgasm possible) you have to sit through after the end of the movie to get to the self-indulgent Vine-length tripe at the actual end, which is usually just a commercial for the sequel.

• fassbending, v. – appearing in a vast majority of movies in a given year. A person who is fassbending is a fassbender. Alternatively: cumberbatching.

• googhole, n. – the person who will only answer your question with “why don’t you look it up?” On social media, the googhole responds to any query by posting a link to Let Me Google That For You.

• grape, v. – the act of adding of a person to a Facebook group without their permission.

• kitler, n. – an overbearing cat owner who barrages you with endless stories, photos and videos of their feline life-companions.

• lorning, v. – slowly, but surely, usurping control of something, especially a television network’s late night programming.

• SMSturbation, v. – rereading a thread of previous sextings for self-gratification.

• selfie stickler, n. – someone who insists on documenting their worthless existence with selfies while holding their phone on a pole, obstructing the view and serenity of others around them.

See how I did last year in predicting The New Words For 2014.

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