How To Beat Donald Trump

How To Beat Donald Trump post image

Attention, Democrats! (And Republicans, too, apparently.) Donald Trump just today hit an all-new high of support in a national poll. Does it seem like he will be impossible to beat? And does it seem that the more hate he spews and negativity he generates, the more powerful he becomes? The solution is clear once you realize where you have seen this before.

He is Vigo The Carpathian.

Donald The Carpathian

You know, the bad guy from Ghostbusters II? That’s Donald, a tyrannical figure from the past, come back to feed on the hate of modern times.

With Trump’s apparent victory approaching, the establishment is worried. Democrats are loath to face a populist juggernaut who cannot successfully be debated with facts. The GOP is wringing its hands and fretting about this man whom they cannot control. So, what to do, establishment? If I was you, and you were me, you’d wanna be winning. If you want something bad, you gotta wanna give it your all.

To beat Trump, you must first study how Egon, Ray, Peter and Winston defeated Vigo in that cinematic classic from 1989. They rallied the people using a symbol of powerful positivity to weaken the negative slime. Then the people themselves help put an end to Vigo by singing Auld Lang Syne.

Sadly, in real life, nobody actually knows the words to Auld Lang Syne.

That leaves using a symbol of powerful positivity to weaken the negative slime. In the movie, the Ghostbusters used the Statue of Liberty, brought to life by blasting the song, “Higher and Higher.” Well, that’s not going to happen, even with the advancements the Japanese have made in sex robots. So what other ancient relic from New York City has been leading the populace to higher and higher levels of hope and positivity?

Statue of Libernie

That’s right: Bernie Sanders. Sanders, the 74 year-old Brooklyn native, has been enjoying enormous crowds at his speeches and even larger gains in the polls. As it is, Sanders currently enjoys a higher approval rating than any of the GOP’s candidates. This is all despite the establishment’s efforts to not let you see or hear any of Sanders’ successes. And if they keep this up, Vigo Trump wins.

So pack up your group, get a grip, come equipped.

If you want to beat Trump, both parties will have to get together and unleash the positivity that is Bernie Sanders. Democrats will have to forgo their odd fascination with Hillary Clinton’s candidacy, even though her damage control team is kept busier than the Tokyo Fire Department during Godzilla season. And Republicans will have to abandon ship and throw their support behind Sanders as well, considering a President Trump will be no more Republican than a tax increase to pay for abortions at a gay pride parade.

What I’m trying to say is this: expect real life not to turn out like the movies. Expect that all these negative human emotions are forming into a vicious ectoplasm with explosive supernormal potential. Expect a win for Donald Trump.

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