Chinese Menu: For Enjoying To The Mouth Happy
With all the money that China seems to have at its disposal, it is curious that the menus there are screwed up. Badly. Consider this post an official offer to provide my services for menu translation.
Fortunately, until China hires me to rectify the situation, their menus are still a hilarious study in whatthefuckness. Enjoy!
It’s like “new car smell.” But cow-ier.
Do not order this if you prefer your mutton and poisonous insects with a mild flavor.
They say too many cooks spoil the broth. Not in China! Thank you, Communism.
Mama, don’t let your babies grow up to eat cowboys. Especially their bone.
Pepper Crab and Chicken Rice are good examples of using ingredients in the name of a dish. Not a good idea if the two main ingredients of your dish are burned egg and farm soil.
Ugh. Why can’t people just be happy with grain-fed hand grasp meat? I don’t complain as long as my hand grasp meat is hormone free.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in an elevator and licking the buttons and emergency phone because it just tasted so damn good.
This is a really healthy dish. Not only do you get your recommended daily allowance of iron from the chicken wire screw, but it is also steamed to keep the nutrients from leeching out.
“But it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it all right and you say, ‘What have I got to lose?’ And honey, I say Old Yellow Corvinet. To Let Them Know.” — First draft of Prince’s Little Red Corvette
This dish has proven far more popular than the recently discontinued Unappetizing Bubble Altar.
I’m confused. Is it horse bowel that was forcefully smoked by Iraqis? Or did an Iraq Force smoke this horse bowel. I tend to believe that is the bowel of a smoked horse, enjoyed by Iraqi Forces.