2014 Australian Tour Dates

2014 Australian Tour Dates post image

It was the celebrated poet e e cummings who once said, “I’m going going, back back, to Aussie Aussie.” Or perhaps that was the Notorious B.I.G.? I get confused between Little e and Biggie.

The point is that I’m coming back to Australia! (No matter where Tony Abbott might think Jesus wants me to go.)

Here’s the full schedule: [click to continue…]

STORM Your Way To Happiness

STORM Your Way To Happiness post image
A friend forwarded me some a post spewing some new-agey type of mnemonic device for remembering how to deal with being overwhelmed in stressful situations. The info said that, “one way of creating a mindful moment and regaining focus is the acronym R.A.I.N.” It then goes on to detail hippy-style bullshit about observing the moment and not becoming your feelings. Or something.

Since I am your self-appointed vigilante ombudsman, I will let you know that RAIN is a heap of garbage. It won’t get you over anything and will leave you feeling powerless and emasculated. Not so with my S.T.O.R.M. strategy!

What is S.T.O.R.M.? Follow the simple steps below and be on your way to happiness or at least a reasonable facsimile of it veneered over a seething orb of anger:
[click to continue…]

Bigger! Shinier! Faker!

Bigger! Shinier! Faker! post image

Bigger. Shinier. Faker. More-r! That’s the unwritten credo of Las Vegas.

Vegas’ ferris wheel is bigger than your city’s ferris wheel. Vegas’ lights are shinier than your city’s lights. (YOU CAN SEE IT FROM SPACE!) Vegas’ boobs are faker, bigger and shinier than your city’s boobs. (Also probably visible from space.)

So it seemed perfectly natural that last week as I worked in Vegas I would run into an amazing feat of faker/bigger. [click to continue…]

Career Advice

Career Advice post image

So, you want to be a stand-up comic? Follow this handy flowchart to determine what your parents think you should do with your life.