Take a look at the news. It’s all gloom and doom and sadness, with no solution in sight. But I have it figured it out. Just lie to us, government! Lie to us.
The trick is to lie to the public for the greater good. You know, to spur us on to action. I’m not talking about telling us they did not find a crashed UFO at Roswell. Screw that, we need to know that kind of thing. I’m talking about tricking us into thinking everything is going well and as planned. Illusions. Continue Reading…
Ever have one of those revelations that shakes you to your core? Literally changes your world?
I have been married for nine years. You’d think you would know everything there is to know about someone after almost a decade of marriage. You would be wrong. In fact, it was just earlier this year that we found out each has been eating the other’s favorite chicken parts because we thought they were the parts the other didn’t like. It was so “Meal of the Magi.” To top it all off, that night we found a chicken wing shaped like a heart:
Such was not the joyous occasion tonight. My wife was Continue Reading…
If I ever climb out of an Uruguayan plane crash in the snowy Andes Mountains of South America, I believe I will be mentally prepared. The survivors turned to feeding on the dead to stay alive. That part doesn’t bother me; I’ve always been intrigued by cannibalism. For example, will eating Mexicans give me gas? When eating Caucasians, which wine makes the best pairing? They are red meat, but they are also white people. So it can be confusing. Where it gets troublesome is when you’ve finished feasting on all of the dead and a rescue party still hasn’t arrived. What then? Do you resort to carving off small portions of your own body, much like meat shaved off the vertical cone of rotating gyros at a Greek restaurant? Just without the attitude?
Last week in Las Vegas, I attended the 12th Anniversary get together for SheckyMagazine.com at the Alexis Park Hotel. Brian McKim and Traci Skene, proprietors of the online mag, threw a little soirée to celebrate the occasion and invited the many comedians and industry types in town for some wings and fun.
Among the many who showed up was comedian Carrot Top, Continue Reading…
It was Aristotle that once said, “I don’t care where you go, I don’t care what you do. I don’t care pretty baby, just take me with you.” And now you can. Through the magic of the Internet-Tubes, you can now buy my new CD, “Paul Ogata Stands Up, Live in Hong Kong” online on iTunes.
Except, of course, they get it all wrong. The album is called “Paul Ogata Stands Up, Live in Hong Kong.” But they call it, “Stands Up Live In Hong Kong”, by Paul Ogata. Although I must admit their title almost sounds Chinglish, which makes it at least a little bit appropriate.
I guess I should have went with Mayhem Miller’s suggestion and called the album, “Jackie Chan Sings The Blues.” Oh well, maybe next time. What ya gonna do?
Anyway, you should totally buy several copies, as I stand to make pennies per copy! You guys buy enough of these and I might end up a hundredaire!!!
Thank *you*. I'll be back if nobody tells the government what I said. RT @SarahOoi: "Thanks for the laughs, @PaulOgata & @ComedyMasala!"