The Heckler’s Guide

The Heckler’s Guide post image

Wasn’t sure if I should have titled this “Snitches Get Stitches.” Or maybe “Comedian And Heckler Lose Face.”

In Hong Kong this week, a heckler disrupted a comedy show, announcing to the crowd that he believed the comedian’s jokes were racist. Then the heckler did it a second time. So the comedian proceeded to smash the heckler in the face with a glass.

I feel you, Anonymous Hong Kong Comic. I feel you.

We’re not supposed to condone violence in this civilized world, but then again in a civilized world these inconsiderate, show-wrecking complainers wouldn’t exist either.

I’ve noticed a trend of this getting worse, and not just at lousy bar shows but at comedy clubs, too. Loud, obnoxious customers will shout, interrupt and otherwise ruin the show for everyone else, while club management/promoter does nothing. “They’re paying customers. They’re buying drinks and food,” is one of the excuses for their lack of action. Yes, but so are the other 99% of the room who are now having a bad time because of this one person or group.

I’ve even seen a company have their holiday party at a comedy club and turn their chairs to face each other during the show to better facilitate their loud conversations amongst the employees. The loudest of these clueless assholes was the boss. They were actually OPENING THEIR SECRET FUCKING SANTA GIFTS WHILE THE SHOW WAS HAPPENING. Again, I don’t condone violence, but if someone hired Anonymous Hong Kong Comedian to visit this company with a shopping cart full of mason jars, I might accidentally cheer him on. And accidentally high-five the comedian. Then accidentally bail him out of jail. All the while smiling. Accidentally.

A while ago, I posted a flow chart for hecklers to help them decide what to do if they feel the need to heckle. It doesn’t seem to have worked, obviously. Or maybe that in today’s dumbed down Is-there-an-app-for-it?-type of world we live in, idiots like this need an app instead of a flow chart. So here it is:



Next time you’re at a comedy show and a blowhard douchebag starts being blowhardy douchebaggy, point them to the web app linked above.

{ 1 comment… add one }
  • Paul Ogata March 21, 2016, 12:11 am

    Dear Internet Rage Machine,

    Because the Internet is the Internet, I feel like I have to add this caveat. Of course, I am not recommending that you act violently to anyone ever. (Unless it’s a life-or-death scenario. Then, game on.) Where are you right this moment? That’s right, on a comedian’s webpage. I’m not a community organizer. Or the Imperial Wizard. I just got through telling you about the growing epidemic of hecklers allowed to operate with impunity. Wrecking entire shows for everyone but themselves. And *my* solution was to provide hecklers with an app. How you arrive at me being a sponsor of violence through this is ludicrous. Now just click “Like” and move on to the next outrage du jour.


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