The Celebrity’s Guide For Moving To Canada

The Celebrity’s Guide For Moving To Canada post image

You’ve heard famous people say it every election cycle: “If <insert candidate of opposing political party> wins, I’m moving to Canada.” Well, it’s been almost three weeks since the election and so far no news about these northerly emigrating celebs just yet. Maybe they had to give 30 days notice to their landlords?

First off, almost zero celebrities who have made that threat/promise have actually followed through on it. In fact, there is only one documented incident of this kind of thing happening.

John F. Kennedy’s press secretary, Pierre Salinger, stated he would move to France if George W. Bush were elected. Salinger made good on that promise, and it is certainly something to which Barbara Streisand, Lena Dunham and Chelsea Handler should aspire. And Stephen King. And Bryan Cranston. And Keegan-Michael Key.

Note that it is mainly liberal, left-leaning celebrities who threaten to move away if the vote doesn’t go their way. This is largely because if Ted Nugent or the Duck Dynasty crew ever dangled the prospect of an America without them in it, the voter turnout to ensure this outcome would set records.

While Salinger headed off to France, Canada is usually the target of election escapers. I get it. It’s a foreign country, but is conveniently located. It’s renouncing your US citizenship, without the hassles of learning a new language or buying a new car with the steering wheel on the wrong side.

However, if you are all about the liberal agenda then maybe Canada isn’t the best fit for you. The left likes a woman’s right to choose, gun control and welcoming refugees. (Yes, there are more issues, but then it screws up the convenient Venn diagram with three circles which I am about to show you.)

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Tunisia has the lowest amount of guns per person, but they are nowhere to be found on the lists of countries with highest rates of abortion and numbers of refugees admitted.

Pakistan, if you can believe that, has the highest number of refugees in the world. Pakistan. Yep. But not so big on gun control, as you can imagine.

Russia has the highest number of abortions on Earth, but pretty staunch about not letting any of their Syrian friends in.

Of course, you could settle and go for a country that ticks off two of three boxes. For example, Canada has a high abortion rate and lets in the 18th largest amount of refugees in the world. But they still have guns. Did you know Afghanistan has fewer guns than Canada? AFGHANISTAN!!!

China is very refugee-friendly and pro-choice. They even have a small amount of guns, but are beaten out by India in this category.

So there is your answer, liberals: India! I was in India when the US election results were announced, and I was so tempted to stay. You Hollywood celebrities will definitely love it. India has the lowest rate of meat consumption in the world, they have henna tattoos (they call it mehndi) and even a robust film industry. Right up your alley.

Move to India!

OR

Don’t move. Stay. Stay and fight. Stay and fight to make your country better in ways you believe in. Your voice shouldn’t be used for sounding the evacuation alarm, it should be used to rally the faithful to the cause.

India

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