It was just a matter of time before this was going to happen. Recently, the Marine Corps was ordered to open combat roles to women. Seems fair. If anybody can pass training, male or female, I’d like them defending me and my country. I’ve seen them up close and in action, and they are all badasses. However, the Marine Corps have also been tasked with removing old terminology which might be deemed non-gender-neutral.

The Secretary of the Navy, Ray Mabus, ordered Marine Commandant General Robert Neller to come up with a detailed plan by next week to scrub job titles clean of any possible sexist terminology. For example, by April 1, “infantryman” may become “infantry person” and so on.

But I’m sure General Neller has way more important things to do. Just take a look at the guy:

Lt. Gen. Robert B. Neller

Dude doesn’t have time for frivolous crap, like smiling in his official portrait. HE HAS A DAMN MARINE CORPS TO RUN. Trust me when I say I would rather have him figuring out war things than having to appease the politically-correct, fragile-ass, whiny Wahhh-fia. He needs to whip our Marines into fighting shape so we don’t get all ISISed up the butt.

Is that what you want? Do you want to get ISISed up the butt? No! Am I right? Well, then. Let the guy concentrate on fighting wars and actually integrating women into combat roles. Meanwhile, I will step up to the plate to figure the rest out.

For example:

• Since the term “boot” connotes the formerly male-exclusive shoe in the military, BOOT CAMP will now be known as FOOTWEAR CAMP.

• Likely, General Neller will have to change his job title. The MARINE COMMANDANT will now become the MARINE COMPERSONDANT.

• While we’re at it, the DEFENSE DEPARTMENT will have to become the DEFENSE DEPARTPEOPLET.

• Since a colt is a young, un-castrated, male horse, The standard issue COLT handgun will now be referred to as the GELDING (a castrated horse).

• And finally, the MARINE CORPS BALL will be replaced with the MARINE CORPS GONAD.

Now, let the men and women in the Marine Corps get back to work. Stop bothering our heroes. I mean, “theyroes.”

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