Since the mid-1970s, McDonald’s has featured the Hamburglar as one of its McDonaldland characters. Originally, it made zero sense to have a criminal as one of the major spokespeople for a restaurant chain. This week, however, the ghost of Ray Kroc emerged from the ground and saw his shadow, declaring 40 more years of this ridiculous marketing misstep.
Did you know that the character’s real name, according to McDonald’s, is Hamilton B. Urglar? I shit you not.
Did you also know that McDonald’s wasn’t the only company who toyed with the idea of having a criminal in their advertising? The inexplicable longevity of the McThief caused other business to come up with a copycat concept. I did the research and you’d be surprised at how many bad ideas almost came to fruition. Here are the worst/best of the bunch:
5. SOUPERVILLAIN
Souplantation experimented with a mutant villain character as a tie-in with the latest X-Men movie, but like Bolivar Trask they came up short.
4. WAF-FELON
Were it not for the fact that Tiny Lister (star of the critically acclaimed motion picture, The Fifth Element) actually faces a for-realsies prison term for mortgage fraud, Waffle House was ready to sign him to a lengthy deal as the lovable Waf-felon.
3. BURDERER
Burderer!!! Get it? He’s a bird murderer. No? KFC almost landed Ozzy Osbourne to shill for their chain of bird murdering restaurants. But when Sharon Osbourne found out, she put a stop to this awesomeness. What a literal cock blocker.
2. TACONVICT
Taco Bell already had a talking chihuahua representing them in commercials. How could this not have made the cut? Perhaps it was the slogan: Jailicious!
And finally:
1. REGISTERED SNACKS OFFENDER
A candy-buyer loyalty program gone awry, 7-Eleven’s “Registered Snacks Offender” idea looked good on paper. Probably rolling paper, as the ad agency must have been very high to pitch this concept.