“The truth is all around you, plain to behold.” — George R. R. Martin

Looking at the IATA three-letter airport codes may reveal quite a bit about the cities in which they are located. For example, the airport in Los Angeles is LAX. The dictionary defines “lax” as not stringent, or having an open or loose quality. Might seem to suit the stereotypical laid-back attitude of Southern Californians.

Custer County, Nebraska, has the highest obesity rate in the state. Is it a coincidence that their Broken Bow Airport is abbreviated as BBW? (Google what that is. Or don’t, if you are at work.)

The Benguela Airport, aka BUG, is located in Angola, an African nation commonly battling cholera, malaria, rabies and Ebola-type hemorrhagic fevers. Bug, indeed!

Tumling Tar Airport in Nepal is located in the town of Tumlingtar. Did you know that hikers in Nepal leave an estimated 13 TONS of human excrement on Mount Everest each year? Did you also know the Tumling Tar Airport’s code is TMI?

Interestingly, there is actually a Batman Airport in Turkey. Unfortunately BAT is assigned to Chafei Amsei Airport in Brazil. C’mon, Chafei Amsei, swear you’ll do the right thing and relinquish those letters to Batman Airport. SWEAR TO ME.

This week I’m headed off to do shows in Southeast Asia. Specifically, in Singapore (SIN) and Kuala Lumpur (KUL). And true to my hypothesis, you can glean a lot of info from these two cities’ airport codes.

Let’s take SIN first. Everything seems to be either against the rules or illegal there: chewing gum; pornography; homosexuality. I even saw this sticker in a Singapore taxi:

I’ve seen the No Smoking icon, or the No Eating/Drinking icon before, but the No Affection icon? Seriously, Singapore, WTF? With the declining birthrate in the republic, you’d think they would encourage sex anywhere they can get people to do it.

As if there isn’t enough constant reminder of what is not permitted in Singapore (and really, it would be easier if they listed the 2 things you are actually allowed to do) they even have signs like this posted around the country:

Caning! Ouch. On the other hand, maybe that’s not such a bad idea to remind would-be lawbreakers to stay in line or risk GETTING YOUR ASS WHIPPED UNTIL IT BLEEDS. They take that caning business seriously there. The canes are soaked in water overnight to prevent it from breaking on ass-whooping day, and the caners are trained to use their full body weight behind the strokes. We’d have far less vandalism here in America if we started this. Ask Michael Fay.

After my shows in Singapore, I head to the KUL airport in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Things are generally looser and more chill in Malaysia than they are in Singapore. Earlier this year in KL while walking around I encountered this tattooed thug just hanging out at a bar. With his cuddly puppy.

Who’s a good boy!! Pretty sure he’d be breaking at least 13 laws in Singapore. But you can get away with this in Malaysia because of how loose it is there!

Speaking of loose, this is the best indication of exactly how loose things are in Malaysia. Here’s a sign at a KL spa I walked past:

Yes. You read that right: Vagina. Tightening. Cream. That’s a real thing? Yep! At least in Malaysia. But it does sound like the kind of thing you’d expect to find at Namibia’s Omega Airport (OMG).