From the Merriam-Webster dictionary on the Web:
eu·phe·mism, noun, \ˈyü-fə-ˌmi-zəm\
The substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant;
In the world of comedy, there aren’t euphemisms so much as there are unphemisms. Or, a substitution of a baffling expression for one that could have very well explained things correctly and easily.
I’m making up this word, of course. But I couldn’t be doing much worse than the ancient Greeks, from whom the word “euphemism” comes. The Greeks were crazy bastards. In the original Olympic games the athletes competed in the nude, with their bodies rubbed in olive oil. Sculptors took this opportunity to create marble statues of the competitors in all their olive-y oily naked-y glory. This lasted until the Winter Olympics when certain parts of the statues were markedly less glorious, due to shrinkage.
I realize that in modern Olympic competition, clothing for the athletes is necessary to plaster jingoistic national emblems on. Just think about it: wouldn’t that be awesome if they still had to compete naked? It sure would have cleared up a lot of the 1980’s-era debate on the gender of Soviet-bloc female athletes: “Excuse me, ma’am, but your penis is showing.”
So in the spirit of unphemism, I told you all that to tell you this: my shows in Shanghai this October have been rescheduled. Well, the replacement dates haven’t been set in stone, but perhaps I’ll be back in April. So I guess the shows have been descheduled. Or is it unscheduled? (Exscheduled?) But I will be sure to let you know when they have been unexscheduled and hope that they won’t be redescheduled.
Meanwhile, please instead catch me on Earth’s 3rd-largest island, Borneo! And also in Kuala Lumpur and Petaling Jaya. I’ll be performing as follows:
Hope to see you at one of these shows.