Social Media Overload

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Just the other day, I mentioned how Whitney Houston’s rendition of the Star Spangled Banner was among the most American things I could think of. It is still the gold standard, as far as live performances of our national anthem go. And today, the internet is afire with chatter about Whitney’s death in a Hollywood hotel. Rest in peace, Whitney.

Immediately, everyone’s social media timelines filled with farewell wishes, fond remembrances and bad jokes. It all made me realize we are in social media overload.

Posting pictures to Pinterest or Yelping a review has become part of daily life. I like to wonder what life would be like if things happened like they did in the movies. For example, after the nuclear winter sets in and we’re pushing our families around in shopping carts, I don’t know how we will make it through our days without accessing our online social networks. How did humans of bygone eras do it? Maybe they didn’t need these silly things.

Loincloth-wearing Aboriginal men didn’t have to post shirtless photos of themselves in mirrors to differentiate the douchebags from the rest. Partly because they were all shirtless, and partly because they didn’t have mirrors.

Plump women in the age of Caravaggio needn’t have extended their arm high in the air to take a weight-disguising, self-portrait aerial photo. That was before thin was in and when fat was where it was at.

Rose didn’t let go of Jack after the Titanic sank to check in on FourSquare and become the Mayor of Floating Debris. (There I go again with the movies.)

Still, they got by. So in anticipation of the tweetless apocalypse, I will follow in their footsteps and draw the line. No more online social networks for me! Well, no more new ones.

I have more than I can handle as it is. As each new network arose to replace the last, we all flocked to it and jumped on like it was the last helicopter out of Saigon. Remember Friendster? Probably. Cyworld or Xanga? Doubtful. How about eWorld? Not likely. There are too many that I signed up for and can’t even remember now.

And with each website that we currently maintain are we expected to post unique status updates? Nobody has that much to say. As an experiment, I set up my Google+ to post updates to Facebook, which was set up to post to Twitter, which was set up to post to Heello, which was set up to post to LinkedIn, which I had then set up to post back to Google+. I dropped a status update into Google+ and it broke the Internet for a couple of minutes. Sorry about that.

The point is, maybe it’s time to let go and find actual friends in the real world. You remember that place, don’t you? It isn’t too late to delete everything and head outdoors. Literally poke someone with your corporeal finger. Give a real status update by telling a live friend what you ate for breakfast. Share your remembrances of Whitney Houston with the people in your actual circle.

It might be your last chance to do so before Caesar and the monkeys take over. Because then you’ll be in cages and they’ll be using up all the bandwidth on ApesBook and ChimpSpace.

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