Shiny Objects

Shiny Objects post image

Another political season is upon us. I have come to the conclusion that they schedule this stuff around the Summer Olympics to keep us distracted from the raping and pillaging about to go down. I’ve always said they try to confuse us with shiny objects. Nothing shinier than Olympic Gold Medals being awarded while they play the Star Spangled Banner. But all the while they are screwing us. It even begins in Iowa at something that sounds like a “cock-ass.” Want to know how badly you are getting screwed?

Your elected idiots in Congress (both U.S. Representatives and Senators) make $174,000 per year. They are required to contribute to their retirement system 1.3% of their annual pay. This is equal to $2,262 each year. Over 20 years of “service”, they will have paid a total of $45,240. However, what they get back is 1.7% of their salary for each year they “served.” After 20 years, they reap 34% of their salary, or $55,680. Every year. For life. In their first 9.75 months of retirement, they will have recouped everything they paid into the system. After that, it is a raiding of the public coffers. Your money. My money.

On top of that, for every year over 20 years in Congress, they “earn” an additional 1% per year. Some of these parasites have been in office for 40 years or more. That means they would make 54% of their pay, or $93,960 every year. For doing nothing. Even more nothing than the nothing they were doing when they had to show up to work.

Back at the Constitutional Convention when this country was being created, Benjamin Franklin suggested that elected government officials NOT be paid for their service. Of course, he was very quickly overruled by the other Founding Fathers, who had aspirations of making bank by becoming elected officials. Nowadays, in a twist of cruel irony, elected officials are paid stacks and stacks of paper emblazoned with Benjamin Franklin’s unsmiling visage.

Presidents? That’s a whole different story.

As you know, the President of the United States of America draws an annual salary of $400,000. But on noon of his successor’s inauguration day, he immediately begins collecting $191,300 per year. Then the former President gets to distribute $150,000 a year in salaries to “staff” of his choosing. Staff? For what? You’re retired! When my grandpa retired as an iron worker, he didn’t hire anybody. You know what he did? He got another damn job, because he didn’t want to sit around. John Quincy Adams much? (Okay, bad example. JQA’s post-Presidency gig was in Congress. But still, that was before the pension moneygrab was instituted.)

Then, to help the poor former Prez with “transitioning back to life as a regular person,” we give him funding for office space, phones and postage. Surely this must be a joke. What are these idiots doing, running an Ebay business after they leave the White House? Did you know we pay almost $500,000 for Bill Clinton’s office rent and $111,000 for his “additional expenses” every year? Even with cigars, dry cleaning and Valtrex factored in, somebody is padding the expense reports.

Add to all of this the free Secret Service protection they enjoy after leaving office. These days, the former President and family will only receive 10 years of free protection, but it used to be for life. The only ex-President who ever really needed any protection was 24’s Charles Logan, and at least he had the decency to shoot himself in the head to save taxpayers the burden of supporting him forever. Attention former politicians: show your patriotism and eat a bullet!

No, they don’t need our help. They are doing just fine on their own, thank you. Book deals, speaking engagements, lobbying payments all help to line the former Presidents’ pockets and make sure their fragile asses are okay as they transition to “regular” life again. But why do they get to keep all that money? We didn’t let OJ Simpson make a dime off selling his story. This should be no different. Get Fred Goldman’s lawyer on the phone, we’re going after the profits!

Or, just keep looking at the shiny objects.

And… sleep.

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