I am all for civil rights and equality. But chances are you’re getting enough of that talk today. So here’s a little non-preachy, but still MLK-related, tale on his day.

After a show the other week, an audience member came up to talk. Seemed like a nice enough guy, if a bit rednecky. As we were speaking, his friends were egging him on, “Hey, tell him who you’re related to!” Upon further prodding, the guy doesn’t produce the information, so his buddy chimes in, “His uncle is James Earl Jones!”

Confused, I ask, “You mean Thulsa Doom?” I’m greeted with stares on heads cocked to the side like I’m speaking Esperanto to Terriers.

I try again, “Mufasa is this guy’s uncle?” Nothing.

So the friend steps in, “No, his uncle killed Martin Luther King!”

“Ohhhhhh,” I realize out loud, “you mean his uncle is James Earl RAY.” And the guy’s posture degrades a bit, showing me he’s not exactly proud of this moment in his family’s history.

Truth be told, he says, his uncle didn’t kill Martin Luther King, Jr. And that’s a sentiment shared by even the family of the late civil rights leader. Will we ever know exactly who did it?  To this day, the only person convicted in the assassination is James Earl Ray. Is he evil or not?

But one thing we can all agree on: James Earl JONES is certainly evil.

For starters, he is the voice of Darth Vader. He was also the bad guy in the original Conan The Barbarian movie. And I have had to endure the utmost horror of seeing James Earl Jones’ naked ass. Why? Because my wife chose to have NetFlix send us a movie called “Claudine.” I’m telling you this so that should you be forced to see it, you’ll have time to gouge your eyes out with a rabbit’s foot before the aforementioned ass-shot comes up. Lucky you. But for me it’s too late. It’s one of those things you can’t un-see. Where’s that MIB flashy-light forget-o-matic thing when you need it?

If we do ever find out the true perpetrators behind the assassination of the reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I say we punish them by strapping them into the Clockwork Orange eye-propping gadget and forcing them to see James Earl Jones’ bare bottom.

As Vader himself would say, “The circle is now complete.”

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