If you’re a racist homophobe, and you don’t want people to know you are, you should make sure your phone is turned off before you start mouthing off. Yesterday, a lady left this voicemail message at the comedy club where I’m performing this week. I guess she accidentally dialed the club, then logged on to the club’s website to learn more about the shows. The rest is captured on tape (in zeroes and ones?) for all eternity. Enjoy!
My retirement plan? Die young. Thank you Fuddruckers for your help with this by making me a ½ lb burger at 1:30 AM.